| You might think the “old boys' club” is a thing of the past, but it hasn’t gone anywhere.
| 🎧podcast episode | web version
Consider this subscriber’s experience.
“There was a male-only basketball team that we weren't even invited to watch. When the CEO would drop by, he would have buddy-buddy conversations with the men of the office, bringing up the game the other night, but with every woman he'd talk to, he'd briefly thank them for the work they've done and move on.
My manager consistently put me and other women on the team down despite our being the most productive (yet least rewarded) members of the team.
I talked to other women in the office, who felt the same way about their interactions with men at the company. This was a textbook case of institutionalized sexism.” | If you’re thinking...
What? I don’t see anything wrong here. They could have invited women, but is that really sexism? And maybe the manager just doesn’t think the women on the team contribute the same quality of work as men do.
These are all valid thoughts, and you’re probably not the only person with them. But it’s hard to ignore that women are significantly outnumbered in senior management positions and on boards (and will continue to be for quite some time if we keep doing the same thing). We need to see work from their perspective too.
We should be talking about this.
Because even with the best intentions, you may be reinforcing a system that gives men an unfair advantage over women at work.
Share this newsletter (web version) at work and start a conversation with the following questions: 1. Did the basketball team (which excluded women) create a special relationship or bond among men at the company?2. Could the relationship between players (including the manager and the CEO) offer any type of unfair advantage at work?Think about your own relationships.
It’s normal to have friends at work, but be conscious of the opportunities that come with them. 🍺Get beer with the sales execs on Fridays? Golf with the CFO on Sundays? Ask the people that aren’t a part of these relationships if they feel excluded in any way. And do everything you can to make sure that they know they’re welcome and feel comfortable when they join.
Start with a question like “hey Anna, we play basketball every Tuesday evening. Why don’t you join us next week?” You might learn that Anna loves basketball but the timing doesn’t work for her (move the game to lunch). Worst case scenario, Anna doesn’t feel comfortable joining, and you use that insight to make changes.
What relationships do you have at work that other people don’t have access to? How has that impacted your career?
Leaders beware...
You’re always a leader around the people you work with. You’re not Clark Kent over there. If you find that you don’t have relationships with different groups of people that work with you, develop them. Get coffee or lunch once a month if you have to. Ask people what they’re interested in, and find common ground.
Finally, double-check that the personnel decisions you make are based on merit, not camaraderie. Consider at least one qualified person that you aren’t as close with before making a decision, and write down your reasons for and against selecting that person before you make a choice. Any bias you have will quickly reveal itself.
If you’re up against something like this…
Convincing others to see things your way can be a nightmare. You might want to find another person that feels the same way as you (to externally validate first), then start a conversation with someone you both trust that’s a part of the group you feel excluded from. Talk about how you feel; not what the group is doing to you. “Hey Joe, this is awkward but we feel like we’re missing out when the CEO walks around and chats with all the guys about basketball and we haven’t been invited to play...we want to have the type of relationship with him that you do. Can you help?”
Your feelings have power, so express them however you’re most comfortable. And know that no one can ever dispute them.
What relationships do you feel excluded from? How can you start to develop them?
🎧We talk a lot more about this on this week’s podcast episode with Teila Evans and Anna Cockell. Make sure you check that out! And special thanks to the subscriber that shared this story.
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